My Red Shoes

My Red Shoes

9 March 09

After reading that some people who have published themselves through print-on-demand companies don’t manage to sell any copies at all, I am now feeling very nervous. It has wrenched my head from out of the clouds and given me a reality-check-shock.

As usual I have all my eggs in just one basket and am now starting to wonder whether blindly pursuing my dream is leading me down the path to my own financial ruin. I just hope my Dorothy red shoes are enough to save me.

Drowned Rat

Drowned Rat

Someone has described me today as being a 'drowned rat' with my constant crisis of confidence. My wavering lack of confidence mirrors the lack of confidence in the economy at the moment, and every time we think the tide is finally turning upwards, it pulls back down again to even deeper lows.

I have no kitchen sink today as my kitchen is in the process of being renovated so I have to use my bathroom to do my washing up. When I say bathroom, I mean a badly built shed attached to my house with an ancient bath suite dumped in it. I even take my jewellery out of there when there is a strong wind about, like last night, just in case the whole thing gets blown over, Wizard of Oz style.

Back on track

It's 26 Feb. Sorry about my last blog - abit of a crisis of confidence and writer's block. Am back on track today - have absorbed myself in my last two economy poems. I have been advised to scrap these last two and just get the collection out but that doesn't feel right to me. It takes me a while to digest what is going on in the economy - that is all.
Royal Bank of Scotland shares have shot up today on announcing a £ 24 billion pound loss - it's strange what an upside down, topsy turvy world the markets seem to live in.

Under Pressure

It's the 23rd Feb. I'm so annoyed with myself. I'm under so much pressure to get my collection out that I feel I have to rush my last poems - which I hate doing ! I wish I understood the economy - instead I am listening and feeling all the undercurrents - the angry comments at media websites - of everyone's suffering and vented anger . I wish I could capture it all - then it would truely be national. Instead, I can't give my best because of being pushed into such a tight financial corner - being squeezed and stressed out all the time - worrying seems to take up quite a big portion of my brain. Oh hell !

'Squeezed like a lemon'

'Squeezed like a lemon'

( from my astrological transit guide )

I am becoming a writing machine. I no longer have the luxury of gloomy feelings or self-doubt. The credit crunch has well and truly crunched me and I am now writing for my life. I can't wait to return to writing blossom-smelling poetry - away from all this hell on earth and stuff of nightmares economic poetry.

Mind you, the poem I am currently working on ( meant to be two final poems but due to being 'squeezed like a lemon' by the crunch, it could well be just one ) is proving quite fun to write. Quite a nasty edge to it in fact - a few satirical knife twists - as if the credit crunch has actually gotten inside my head. And IF Lloyds is nationalized, then I have a killer line ready and waiting - to add to the end of the poem.

Jane Air

http://cyber-verse.co.uk/